Happy Holidays to all that have read my blog the past two months. My thanks to all that took time to look in on this little corner of cyber space to check on life through the eyes of a 10 year old boy. Also a special thanks to the 32 (yes I counted them) notes from those that said how much they enjoyed reading my musings. However, it has been called to my attention by a former classmate that no one wants to read the things I write because I am too big a bastard. So in the true Christmas spirit, I am closing my blog to spare you any further discomfort from my writings.
Additionally, in good conscience, I can no long consider this 10 year old boy, The Funniest Guy I Know, that distinction belongs to this former classmate that took time to make this observation. Due to geography and the overall balance of the relationship, it is impossible for me to do a twice a week post on the new title holder. It has been fun, at least for me, my apologies for subjecting those that made just over 700 hits on the blog to such unpleasant opportunities.
After the Holiday, I will evaluate the situation and perhaps I will be back with a different insight into our world other than the eyes of a 10 year old boy. I am pretty certain I will still be as big a bastard as ever, it becomes hard to change on the north side of 55, but thanks to this former classmate you will have been warned. As Hunter Thompson might say, "Buy the ticket, take the ride." Don't go on the next ride with me, tricked and eyes closed. My Christmas gift to you and my astute former classmate. For me it was fun while it lasted.
It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it is just hilarious!
Friday, December 23, 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
I Know What I Like ....
Not much can top getting in the truck and starting a Saturday morning with an 11 year old boy, just wandering around. No real agenda and what others may call wasting time, I prefer to think of it as Jerry Jeff Walker said, “Just some of the fun you can have in your pick up truck.”
Around my home town there seems to be an abundance of sculptures going up that I believe I could have come up with if given the opportunity. Jake seems to be as lost as me at this “art work.” Probably a good thing he does not realize people are being paid, and paid well, for many of these pieces or the guitar and skateboarding could quickly become a distant second and third in his life priorities.
In driving around town, Jake did ask several times why the people didn’t clean up the junk. I attempted to explain it was artwork and people where placing it for people to see and enjoy. The concept seemed to completely fail to resonate with him. Finally, after many of his same questions about cleaning things up, I ask Jake. “Do you know a lot about art?”
“Nope, but I know a lot about junk. Why don’t they clean that stuff up?”
From the mouth of kids. Abstract art; a product of the untalented sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK
Jake's mother has an amazing little pump for blowing up things like balloons and such, don’t believe I have ever seen one quite like it, perhaps you have.
Those of you that are regular visitors of my little four corners of tail telling will recall, two of Jake’s great passions are his guitar and his skateboard. While visiting Jake this week he was running around wearing his ever present skateboard helmet. I am sure you have all seen them and if not, shame! He was also carrying his mom’s little pump, hose run through one of the many holes in the helmet. When I ask what he was doing, got a good reinforcement of why Jake is the funniest guy I know. “Ah, redneck air conditioning.”
Kids are smarter than all of us. I don’t know one with a full time job!
Those of you that are regular visitors of my little four corners of tail telling will recall, two of Jake’s great passions are his guitar and his skateboard. While visiting Jake this week he was running around wearing his ever present skateboard helmet. I am sure you have all seen them and if not, shame! He was also carrying his mom’s little pump, hose run through one of the many holes in the helmet. When I ask what he was doing, got a good reinforcement of why Jake is the funniest guy I know. “Ah, redneck air conditioning.”
Kids are smarter than all of us. I don’t know one with a full time job!
Sunday, December 11, 2011
ARE THERE HILBILLIBILLIES ANYMORE LEWIS?
Just can’t imagine there are any that read my blog and have not seen the movie Deliverance. Lewis takes his friends on a river rafting trip they will never forget into the dangerous southern back country. Also, I doubt there are many, when they're thinking of the movie, that don’t instantly recall Bobbie’s encounter with the two toothless inbred hillbillies that make him squeal like a pig.
OK, you don’t, it is just me. However that was my mind set when Jake called this week and asked if I had ever heard of a movie called, Deliverance! Immediate flashback to that part of the movie. Cautiously, perhaps even reluctantly I told this 11 year old boy, “I think I remember it.” Come on, it is the holidays and I was being placed in a position to have a conversation I did not want to have. Put yourself on my end of the phone.
Jake said he had been on the computer and found something about it on Youtube. That certainly didn’t bring me any comfort. And yes, Jake had found a scene from the movie he wanted to talk with me about. Gulp.
He had found a genetically defected boy, my words not Jake's and another guy playing a great song. Completely forgot Jake rocks the guitar. What is well known to us as, Dueling Banjos, was a brand new discovery to an 11 year old boy. He was calling because in watching that scene over and over, Jake figured out the guitar part and wanted to play it for me. Which he did.
After the call I thought about the movie and the banjo scene was every bit as memorable as the one I first thought of, why did my mind go that direction? If you have an answer, keep it to yourself.
Jake, just keep rockin’ the guitar, finding good music and see you soon. Young minds are uncluttered and seem to know the important stuff.
OK, you don’t, it is just me. However that was my mind set when Jake called this week and asked if I had ever heard of a movie called, Deliverance! Immediate flashback to that part of the movie. Cautiously, perhaps even reluctantly I told this 11 year old boy, “I think I remember it.” Come on, it is the holidays and I was being placed in a position to have a conversation I did not want to have. Put yourself on my end of the phone.
Jake said he had been on the computer and found something about it on Youtube. That certainly didn’t bring me any comfort. And yes, Jake had found a scene from the movie he wanted to talk with me about. Gulp.
He had found a genetically defected boy, my words not Jake's and another guy playing a great song. Completely forgot Jake rocks the guitar. What is well known to us as, Dueling Banjos, was a brand new discovery to an 11 year old boy. He was calling because in watching that scene over and over, Jake figured out the guitar part and wanted to play it for me. Which he did.
After the call I thought about the movie and the banjo scene was every bit as memorable as the one I first thought of, why did my mind go that direction? If you have an answer, keep it to yourself.
Jake, just keep rockin’ the guitar, finding good music and see you soon. Young minds are uncluttered and seem to know the important stuff.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Hard Questions. Easy Answers.
Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.
When I decided to give this blog a try, I failed to put into my calculations the difficulty of writing twice a week about a subject that is in constant motion. Jake is the funniest guy I know for many reasons, but a big one is, he is a wealth of activity not bogged down by worry and regret. He may grow into that, but let’s all hope not.
Over the weekend, Jake was in Memphis to participate in the St. Jude Run. Mom, Dad and sister all ran the half marathon, Jake ran in the 5K with a family friend, Maddie. While it was never actually said, Jake did indicate that he could have run faster but stayed with the anchor he was pulling. That alone may be the beginning of a lesson to be used later in life. Jake did not run off and they crossed the finished line side by side. Yet another lesson?
Jake said it was a great weekend and was very impressed with the Peabody Hotel, but still doesn’t have his mind around adults getting so excited about ducks walking on a red carpet then swimming in the fountain.
After our brief conversation, he was off to finish his work for school today and I was left to consider what a wide and fast life Jake lives. Probably a major resource for his humor. I sit and worry about what I will write twice a week in my own little piece of cyber space I share with you that stop by while Jake is out getting it done.
“Life is what happens to you while you are busy making plans.” John Lennon.
When I decided to give this blog a try, I failed to put into my calculations the difficulty of writing twice a week about a subject that is in constant motion. Jake is the funniest guy I know for many reasons, but a big one is, he is a wealth of activity not bogged down by worry and regret. He may grow into that, but let’s all hope not.
Over the weekend, Jake was in Memphis to participate in the St. Jude Run. Mom, Dad and sister all ran the half marathon, Jake ran in the 5K with a family friend, Maddie. While it was never actually said, Jake did indicate that he could have run faster but stayed with the anchor he was pulling. That alone may be the beginning of a lesson to be used later in life. Jake did not run off and they crossed the finished line side by side. Yet another lesson?
Jake said it was a great weekend and was very impressed with the Peabody Hotel, but still doesn’t have his mind around adults getting so excited about ducks walking on a red carpet then swimming in the fountain.
After our brief conversation, he was off to finish his work for school today and I was left to consider what a wide and fast life Jake lives. Probably a major resource for his humor. I sit and worry about what I will write twice a week in my own little piece of cyber space I share with you that stop by while Jake is out getting it done.
“Life is what happens to you while you are busy making plans.” John Lennon.
Monday, November 28, 2011
New Traditions
Jake was gone over the holiday on a trip out west. I have managed to speak with him briefly about his trip and Thanksgiving. A few minutes with Jake can still be an eye opening talk. I learned that Thanksgiving tradition has changed a bit from when I was his age. It seems the two biggest impressions he came home with are: they don’t appreciate great skate boarding inside the airport and rather than football on TV, Scottsdale has an awesome skateboard park to work off those turkey pounds. Thanksgiving tradition!
Even the brief talk reminded me of Jake and me attending the, Tony Hawk Boom Boom Huck Jam. For those not familiar with Tony Hawk, I have it on good authority he is just the best darn skateboarder of all time. His Huck Jam Tour started as a Vegas type show with the best skateboarders, BMX riders and motor cross crazies ever. The music features, believe it or not, Alice in Chains and Social Distortion. Again I was reminded it was great and if it was to loud, I am to old. The big feature being a million dollar custom made half pipe. If you don’t know, don’t ask.
Amazingly great to see the excitement in Jake’s eyes as these X-Game athletes demonstrated their talent. Not Mark McGuire and Sammy Sosa, but every bit the awe! Each one a hero to a young skateboarder. The highlight being, The Hawkman actually giving Jake a high five. Life could not be better.
It was a wonderment to a young boy to see so many great "stars" and a lesson for a 50 plus year old Uncle that needs his own, Boom Boom Huck Jam. The older we get, the harder it is to have heroes, but it is kind of necessary.
Even the brief talk reminded me of Jake and me attending the, Tony Hawk Boom Boom Huck Jam. For those not familiar with Tony Hawk, I have it on good authority he is just the best darn skateboarder of all time. His Huck Jam Tour started as a Vegas type show with the best skateboarders, BMX riders and motor cross crazies ever. The music features, believe it or not, Alice in Chains and Social Distortion. Again I was reminded it was great and if it was to loud, I am to old. The big feature being a million dollar custom made half pipe. If you don’t know, don’t ask.
Amazingly great to see the excitement in Jake’s eyes as these X-Game athletes demonstrated their talent. Not Mark McGuire and Sammy Sosa, but every bit the awe! Each one a hero to a young skateboarder. The highlight being, The Hawkman actually giving Jake a high five. Life could not be better.
It was a wonderment to a young boy to see so many great "stars" and a lesson for a 50 plus year old Uncle that needs his own, Boom Boom Huck Jam. The older we get, the harder it is to have heroes, but it is kind of necessary.
Friday, November 25, 2011
THANKSGIVING
Jake grabbed his skateboard and headed west for Thanksgiving. While it may not be the highlight of his trip Jake ran in the Turkey Trot and is getting in some valuable time on his board. He did take time to call and wish a happy Thanksgiving and said how lucky he was to have the life he lives.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
Monday, November 21, 2011
How About That?
The purpose of this blog is to share the wisdom and insight of a very special young man and hope it will make you smile. Today’s post is a bit different. Hopefully you will allow me to be a bit selfish and share something personal to me. William Burroughs said, “In this magical universe there are no coincidences.” Tomorrow, November 22, Jake moves from being a 10 year old to 11. My grandson celebrates his first birthday. My father, who has been gone almost two years would have been 84 years old. A special day for me and three of the most important people of my life. This is a joyous time and I am full of happiness. Although there is no cleaver story, I invite you to join me as I smile.
What a grand coincidences in this magical universe.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
A lot of life just has to do with luck.
A lot of life just has to do with luck.
Don’t think I have ever been accused of being the sharpest knife in the drawer. I was in high school before I even heard the word SERENDEPTY. Truth told, not certain I have a complete understanding of the word now. However, I think it is like looking for a needle in a haystack and finding the farmer’s daughter.
Recently I actually had a date. Think you are surprised, Jake was down right amazed! He was quizzing me on the entire thing. I explained my date was one of my best friend’s sister that had moved to town. I grew to know her through my friend and decided to go on a date.
Shaking his head, Jake looked at me and said, “Well that certainly was serendipitous.” Then he just walked away.
Some things are a puzzlement! Especially 56 year old uncles that aren’t married.
Don’t think I have ever been accused of being the sharpest knife in the drawer. I was in high school before I even heard the word SERENDEPTY. Truth told, not certain I have a complete understanding of the word now. However, I think it is like looking for a needle in a haystack and finding the farmer’s daughter.
Recently I actually had a date. Think you are surprised, Jake was down right amazed! He was quizzing me on the entire thing. I explained my date was one of my best friend’s sister that had moved to town. I grew to know her through my friend and decided to go on a date.
Shaking his head, Jake looked at me and said, “Well that certainly was serendipitous.” Then he just walked away.
Some things are a puzzlement! Especially 56 year old uncles that aren’t married.
Monday, November 14, 2011
The past is not dead. It isn't even the past.
Having a DR before your name merely enables you to be wrong with authority. That is an important part of today’s post. Also, we start with the back story. Two summers ago, Jake was eight years old at the time, I took a trip to Key West with some very close friends. The “purpose” was to attend Hemingway Days and run in the Hemingway 5K. Truth told, we went to party like rock stars.
One of the very close friends is a, DR. The first night, running on the tile around the pool, I fell and broke my shoulder. It instantly turned ugly! I called the DR over and said, “Look what happened when I fell, what should I do?" My very close DR friend glanced at it and replied, “If I were you, I would find a DR that's not on vacation.”
Of course the story has been told many times over the last two years and Jake is more than familiar with it. It is the kind of one liner that sticks with you.
Recently, on a trip to the farm, we played with every toy you get when you have a farm. Motorcycles, four wheelers, taking the tracker for a spin with no particular reason. During all of the fun, Jake hurt his leg and was laying on the ground trying to hold bar the tears. My very close DR friend said to a now 10 year old Jake, “Can I take a look at it?” Without missing a beat, Jake answered, “No, I need a doctor that is not on vacation.”
Touché very close friend DR. Jake knows, and remembers all.
One of the very close friends is a, DR. The first night, running on the tile around the pool, I fell and broke my shoulder. It instantly turned ugly! I called the DR over and said, “Look what happened when I fell, what should I do?" My very close DR friend glanced at it and replied, “If I were you, I would find a DR that's not on vacation.”
Of course the story has been told many times over the last two years and Jake is more than familiar with it. It is the kind of one liner that sticks with you.
Recently, on a trip to the farm, we played with every toy you get when you have a farm. Motorcycles, four wheelers, taking the tracker for a spin with no particular reason. During all of the fun, Jake hurt his leg and was laying on the ground trying to hold bar the tears. My very close DR friend said to a now 10 year old Jake, “Can I take a look at it?” Without missing a beat, Jake answered, “No, I need a doctor that is not on vacation.”
Touché very close friend DR. Jake knows, and remembers all.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Comfortable Skin
As a 56 year old man, it is always amazing how much I learn from a 10 year old boy. Jake has the clam self assurance I wish for, but at times lack.
This past August, my daughter got married. She ask Jake to be the ring barrier, and while he personally thought he was a bit old for that position, gladly agreed. It was a large affair, with many attendants and guest. Perhaps it was just me, but my daughter’s wedding was a very big deal that required a calming of the nerves.
The ceremony had begun and it was down to my daughter, Jake and me, left to walk up the aisle to the wedding party and groom. To break the tension, just as Jake was taking his first step, I put my hand on his shoulder and said, “Don’t screw this up for everyone.” He turned, looked me in the eye and slowly said, “You must be talking to yourself. I know my part.”
Much wisdom for a 10 year old boy. Don’t let people drive you crazy when it is within walking distance.
This past August, my daughter got married. She ask Jake to be the ring barrier, and while he personally thought he was a bit old for that position, gladly agreed. It was a large affair, with many attendants and guest. Perhaps it was just me, but my daughter’s wedding was a very big deal that required a calming of the nerves.
The ceremony had begun and it was down to my daughter, Jake and me, left to walk up the aisle to the wedding party and groom. To break the tension, just as Jake was taking his first step, I put my hand on his shoulder and said, “Don’t screw this up for everyone.” He turned, looked me in the eye and slowly said, “You must be talking to yourself. I know my part.”
Much wisdom for a 10 year old boy. Don’t let people drive you crazy when it is within walking distance.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Think Big
" Hello, room service? Send up a bigger room." Groucho Marx
Jake’s fifth grade class recently had an assignment Jake saw no value in. Each student was to select a civil servant from town, learn what they do and on the same day, the entire class would dress like that civil servant and give a report on that job. Pretty tired stuff for a musician whose mission was turning out good honest tunage for the masses. Jake refused to have any part of it. Took it all the way to the night before the day of dressing and telling about your job. Mom had warned, threatened, punished, but all with no apparent impact on Jake. However, the next morning Jake came down to breakfast wearing his suit and carrying a big round button he had made for Mom to pin on his coat. The button said, MAYOR! Jake completed civil servant day as Mayor.
With you all the way Jake. Aim high. It would be friggin sweet if you were mayor. Should you ever be called for military service and get called to interview. When they ask what you are interested in, tell them General. The world needs you Jake. Keep thinking big.
Jake’s fifth grade class recently had an assignment Jake saw no value in. Each student was to select a civil servant from town, learn what they do and on the same day, the entire class would dress like that civil servant and give a report on that job. Pretty tired stuff for a musician whose mission was turning out good honest tunage for the masses. Jake refused to have any part of it. Took it all the way to the night before the day of dressing and telling about your job. Mom had warned, threatened, punished, but all with no apparent impact on Jake. However, the next morning Jake came down to breakfast wearing his suit and carrying a big round button he had made for Mom to pin on his coat. The button said, MAYOR! Jake completed civil servant day as Mayor.
With you all the way Jake. Aim high. It would be friggin sweet if you were mayor. Should you ever be called for military service and get called to interview. When they ask what you are interested in, tell them General. The world needs you Jake. Keep thinking big.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
The Human Body
It was probably shortly after human beings emerged from the primordial ooze and began walking upright, that 10 year old boys began trying to deal with the 11 year old boys, who Beaver Cleaver might say, were givin’ them the business, and were terrified about what certain things in school would be like. So it was last week for Nephew Jack who had to watch the dreaded human body film in health class. He had heard stories and was not looking forward to the afternoon film and discussion. However, Nephew Jack made it and learned it was nothing like the older kids had said. Over the weekend Nephew Jack shared with me his memorable Wednesday after noon. According to Jack, “Don’t be fooled, there is nothing down there but a hole and a lemonade dispenser. If You know what I mean.” You would think Jack would catch on to the fake stories, but he is very excited about school next year. Word is, they get to see the female human body film. Hey Jack, I am right there with you. It never hurts to hope.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Welcome
Welcome. Thanks for stopping by. Hope you will get a laugh and come back with friends. We plan on two posts a week. However, with this being the first time at giving a blog a try, it is very much a work in progress.
A comic is a person that says or does things funny. A comedian is a person that says or does funny things. That would make Nephew Jack the funniest guy I know. Jack is a 10 soon to be 11 year old fifth grader. Regardless of age, he has a fast mind and is a very accomplished young man. He has a black belt in karate, rocks the guitar, is well read and has as close to a photographic memory I have been around. Best of all, the kid cracks me up! His best laughs don't come from jokes, although he has some good ones, but his comments and observations on life.
Nephew Jack and his best friend Wilson have started a band. This comes after about a year of Nephew Jack rocking alone. He told me they are not doing it to be famous or get rich. They need just enough money to live on and maybe a little for retirement. They are doing it for the music! Rock on Jack, rock on.
A comic is a person that says or does things funny. A comedian is a person that says or does funny things. That would make Nephew Jack the funniest guy I know. Jack is a 10 soon to be 11 year old fifth grader. Regardless of age, he has a fast mind and is a very accomplished young man. He has a black belt in karate, rocks the guitar, is well read and has as close to a photographic memory I have been around. Best of all, the kid cracks me up! His best laughs don't come from jokes, although he has some good ones, but his comments and observations on life.
Nephew Jack and his best friend Wilson have started a band. This comes after about a year of Nephew Jack rocking alone. He told me they are not doing it to be famous or get rich. They need just enough money to live on and maybe a little for retirement. They are doing it for the music! Rock on Jack, rock on.
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